ELCA to Change Name

Satire News Service (SNS) - According to unnamed sources, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America plans on changing its name after recent outrage over the mainline denomination’s racist post of a Bible verse.

On February 11, the ELCA apologized:

Dear siblings in Christ, 

We have been paying very close attention to the conversation created by this post. Thank you all who have voiced your experiences and concerns regarding the language used.

The verse shared here comes from last week’s lectionary readings. As themes of darkness and light will appear again in lectionary readings later in Lent, we have chosen to leave this post and its discussion here so that it can inspire deeper conversation and reflection as we prepare for the season ahead.

We apologize that the language in this post has caused harm, and we recognize that this image can be a painful reminder of the harmful power dynamics, racism and inequity that exist in this church. It is our responsibility to be intentional in our use of images and language. We are committed to this work, and we are committed to learning from our mistakes.


This was in response to the offensive lamp graphic (seen above) with the racist words of the privileged apostle John as recorded in 1 John 1:5.  This is especially egregious, as these words are from the classist King James Version, using sexist and gendered language for the Deity. 

This horrific institutional insensitivity has led to much introspection in the left-leaning Chicago-based denomination. 

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a highly placed executive in ELCA leadership said, “I feel like the problem is that we are too white.  I mean, come on, Luther?  A German?  Writing theses in Latin?  Focus groups indicate that this narrative doesn’t connect with our target demographic, especially among left-handed Norwegians whose last names have an odd number of letters.  Our brand needed a refreshing, one that would re-imagine Luther without the whiteness, maleness, and educatedness.  I feel like we need a Luther of Color and a conversation about how unsafe minorities and women feel when confronted by toxic masculine European languages like German and Latin.  We need a Luther who is more in tune with his feminine side and/or non-gender-conformingness.  We began a hashtag campaign called “#LutherSoWhite.”

When asked about what the ELCA would do now, our source revealed that the brand-refreshing would include a name-change. 

“We feel like as a church, we need to be more welcoming to the Other.  For far too long, non-Christians have been marginalized, denied communion, denied the pulpit, and denied the right to serve at our altars.  This is unacceptable, and must change.  We want to be a safe, welcoming space for those who do not believe the Bible, as well as those who have been vilified and demonized by historical Christian texts.  One of the most ostracized of all, the one most demonized by the white male hegemony of the church of the last five hundred years, is Satan.  We feel like it’s time to stop the marginalization and to be more loving.

Our source continued, “We decided to change our name to the Evangelical Luciferian Church in America,” so that we could keep the iconic ELCA logo, while creating a safe space for those whose voices have been silenced by so-called Christian orthodoxy.  We feel like this is a win-win for our church and for all people of faith.  We also feel like this will attract a lot of important Luciferian celebrities, encourage ongoing goddess-worship, as well as show our support for Planned Parenthood.”

We do not know the time-frame of the new branding, nor whether or not the church body’s recognizable round earth trademark will also include a pentagram.

A More Welcoming and Inclusive ELCA