Ottawa and Eric Idle

Sometimes I pick up crazy books from the bargain table at the bookstore - typically light reading that is helpful for a little mental R and R. I recently snagged a 2005 book by Monty Python comedian Eric Idle. It caught my attention because it is a "comic tour of America." It's always fun to read about our home through the eyes of a foreigner, and Eric Idle proves to be a lot funnier than Alexis de Tocqueville.

Sure enough, the book has several laugh-out-loud passages as Mr. Idle and his entourage tour North America for 80 days in a performance tour. This book has some crude language, so it is obviously not for younger readers. If you are familiar with Monty Python, you'll understand what I mean. In fact, the book has a good bit of recitation of old songs and humor skits from Monty Python.

It's not my intention to write a review, but rather to highlight a single passage that shows not only Eric Idle's prowess as a wordsmith, but also how he was moved to such picturesque prose by one of my favorite (or should I say "favourite") cities: Ottawa (Ontario), the capital of Canada. Since my wife is from Ottawa, and since we have several beloved family members there, I've gotten to enjoy the city many, many times over the years. In fact, I've often said that Ottawa is like an adopted hometown.

Before I quote Eric Idle, let me give you some of my impressions - which are far more rambling and far less poetic than the author's...

To an American, Ottawa is exotic and European. It is not only a stereotypically clean place inhabited by a civilized and polite populace, it is a place of elegance, of stately parliament buildings, of British pubs, of tea houses, of gardens, of canals and rivers, of ethnic neighborhoods, of statues and paintings, a place where both English and French are spoken, where women still wear skirts and elegant scarves and where men can still be seen strolling around in tie and jacket. You are also equally likely to find bicycle rickshaw drivers with dreadlocks, tattoos, and pierced tongues - and the various diverse groups all seem to get along with one another with a genuine and cordial politeness that seems contrived to the American.

Downtown (or more accurately, in centre city), Parliament Hill and the stately grounds of the Chateau Laurier Hotel are cut in twain by the Rideau canal (which, in winter becomes literally the world's largest ice skating rink, upon which briefcase-carrying government workers skate to the office after stopping for coffee at kiosks set up on the ice). Near this intersection is the Byward Market, bustling with restaurants, bars, coffee shops, street entertainers, grocers, and a real-live fresh-food year-round open-air market.

A few blocks away on Elgin Street, there is a small restaurant that has become an institution in Ottawa, a place called the Mayflower. The front is a bright and noisy diner that is always packed to the gills (and with good reason). The back is a delightfully dark and dingy pub that looks like time stopped in 1921 (except for the fact that smoking was recently outlawed). I first met Mrs. Hollywood at the Mayflower - at a bright and airy outdoor table in the summer of 1991.

It has always amazed me that more Americans don't know about Ottawa. It is the perfect vacation getaway - with charming B&B's, old-world grand hotels, as well as the modern luxurious hostelry of the caliber of the Four Seasons - and everything in between. There are museums, art galleries, and a host of fine restaurants.

Being the national capital, Ottawa is both cosmopolitan and quintessentially Canadian. It's English, French, freezing in the winter, broiling in the summer, hockey-crazed, on the metric system, and has a football team that never makes it to 4th down (Canadian rules). They have one- and two-dollar coins with the image of the Queen of Canada (who simultaneously happens to be the Queen of the United Kingdom) on the obverse and various animals on the reverse. You will not find more gracious people than in Canada. Even the panhandlers tend to be painstakingly polite.

Having given you my unsolicited random observations (this is a blog, after all, and you, dear reader, are a good sport and still reading along...), now take a look at Eric Idle's commentary (page 52 of the book). As I was reading, I kept waiting in vain for the joke to fall, but it never did. Clearly, Ottawa has charmed Eric Idle as much as it has me...

"Ottawa is a glorious city situated at the confluence of the Rideau and Ottawa rivers. The latter separates Quebec from Ontario, and, more important, the French and the English; and like so many other things, it sounds better in French: la Rivière des Outaouais. This magnificent old city of massive gray stone, castellated buildings with elegantly carved Norman windows, capped by steeply angled roofs of green copper, is filled with fountains and squares, markets and malls, and a big, broad river spanned by many bridges. It feels more like Europe than North America. This morning the view from my gabled windows in the Château Laurier hotel is breathtaking. In the faint, pinkish blush of dawn, a perfect pale hunter's moon hangs over the stately river; three huge plumes of steam from a power station on the far shore fill the middle distance with haze; the bright oranges and reds of the turning leaves bisect the powdery greens of the trees, giving a tinted picture-postcard look to the entire scene. As if on cue, the rising sun lights up the waterfront, adding highlights and reflections while the moon fades gently into the morning."

Eric Idle is as eloquent as he is funny. And Ottawa is every bit the delightful picture that he paints with his words.

Real life "Lost in Translation"

Heath care x (stupidity + litigiousness) = ...

So this is what it has come down to.

People now have to call an ambulance for a ten yard (that's thirty feet, mind you) transport to the hospital, wait for it to arrive while the victim is in dire need of morphine, all while hospital personnel do absolutely nothing - not even make the phone call for the ambulance. And then the staff are congratulated for "following policy."

This is right out of Mike Judge's dystopic comedy Idiocracy - only 500 years too soon and in England instead of America.

Someone had better put "common sense" on the endangered species list.

A Pastoral Reflection on Visiting the Sick and Shut-Ins

"I remember at the beginning the sick intimidated me. I needed a lot of courage to stand before a sick person and enter, so to speak, into his physical and spiritual pain, not to betray discomfort, and to show at least a little loving compassion. Only later did I begin to grasp the profound meaning of the mystery of human suffering. In the weakness of the sick, I saw emerging ever more clearly a new strength - the strength of mercy. In a sense, the sick provide mercy. Through their prayers and sacrifices, they not only ask for mercy but create a 'space for mercy,' or better, open up spaces for mercy. By their illness and suffering they call forth acts of mercy and create the possibility for accomplishing them. I used to entrust the needs of the Church to the prayers of the sick, and the results were always positive."

- Pope John Paul II, Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way, 2004, pp. 75-76


While there is much about which to criticize Pope John Paul II - especially in his radical ecumenism that sought to transcend the Christian faith - there is also good reason why he became so beloved by the people under his pastoral care. The reason is this: he was a pastor. Even in the midst of his duties as pontiff of the Roman Church, John Paul never forgot that he was first and foremost a bishop, a priest, a pastor. And pastors are not called to shuffle paper-clips in a sealed-off office, but rather hold the office Christ bequeathed to the apostles and their successors to bring the gifts of God to the people of God in a real, flesh and blood way. John Paul was a pastor who lived out the oft-repeated advice of one of our own Lutheran bishops, a wise pastoral theologian named Roger Pittelko: "Love your people!"

Pope John Paul was always among the people. He saw himself not as a CEO, but as a bishop, not as a cheerleader and program director, but as a pastor.

I enjoyed reading his book Rise, Let Us Be On Our Way - written to his fellow bishops late in his pontificate. It is not a book of heavy theology, but more of a poignant collection of pastoral reflections of one who has served in Christ's ministry for nearly all of his life - typically under trying, if not outright oppressive, circumstances.

The above quotation from John Paul II could only have been written by a pastor. These are not the reflections of a "professional church worker," a medical doctor, or a concerned family member. These reflections could not have been written by a deaconess or a lay chaplain. This was obviously written by a man who regularly visited the sick in persona Christi delivering the powerful Word of God and delivering the Presence of Christ through the Holy Sacraments. As valuable as the work of lay people truly is for the physical, psychological, and spiritual care of the sick, the pastor's perspective is simply different.

When a pastor visits the sick, he is not merely giving pastoral care - but receiving it as well. For in seeing Christ in the suffering, we do well to keep in mind that the same Christ ministers to us. Pastors enjoy a special privilege in visiting the sick: repeated participation in the Divine Service. For example, I made five shut-in and sick visits this past Friday. At each juncture, I said Mass and partook in the Holy Eucharist with the person I was ministering to. The Lord had obviously determined that I needed the spiritual fortification of taking the Holy Supper with such frequency.

Not only the Holy Communion, but also the proclamation of the Gospel and Holy Scripture benefits the pastor as well. There is also the benefit of conversation with brother and sister Christians - especially those with the benefit of age and wisdom, those who are in the midst of suffering and yet provide a godly example of forbearance and steadfastness to the faith in the midst of the cross.

The holy father's advice to charge the shut-ins with prayer is wise on a number of levels. First of all, the sick and shut-ins often feel useless. Asking them to pray for the world, the church, the parish, and for myself as their pastor gives them a real sense of ongoing use to the church and world - and this is not merely psychological pap. They really do have a spiritual purpose according to God's creation and providence. They truly are an integral part of the church even if the world treats them as having no value, or as being a drain on the healthy. Secondly, especially for us Lutherans who typically lack contemplative and monastic vocations, the prayers of the shut-ins are indeed powerful and sorely needed. Prayer is nothing to sneeze at, even as St. James in the Scripture text used to anoint the sick with oil (James 5:14-16) declares (in verse 16): "The effective prayer of a righteous person has great power." The sick and shut-in have one luxury that most of us do not have: a lot of time to spend in intercessory prayer. Just as every part of the body is necessary and has a function to benefit the whole, the sick and shut-in serve the Church by providing a "space for mercy" by sending prayers heavenward for the health of the body of Christ and the proclamation of the Gospel.

Though visiting the sick is physically exhausting, it is also spiritually exhilarating. Though according to the eyes of this world, visiting shut-ins - especially in the hospital or nursing home - is miserable and depressing - through the eyes of faith, such visits are transcendent examples of the baptized Christian's triumph over the decay of this world, of the perseverance of the saints in the face of the cross, as well as the incarnation of mercy into the real world as opposed to being simply an abstract concept.

As Pope John Paul wisely points out, the sick give us opportunities to provide God's mercy. As he also hints at, the sick also provide mercy for us. In being Christ to us, they are also Christ for us.

Episcopal Bishop Takes Stand for Decency

In the midst of the ECUSA's (Episcopal Church - USA) decline into anything-goes theology and morality, a defender of decency emerges in the person of the Rt. Rev. John Howe, the bishop of the Diocese of Central Florida. Read here for the story of the bishop's stand for chastity in a Christian high school where some in the faculty seem to have lost their minds.

Trinity Preparatory School had planned on performing the play La Cage aux Folles - a production that tries to normalize sexual practices that are clearly at odds with the Christian faith, while at the same time vilifying people who uphold a biblical worldview regarding marriage (people like the bishop of central Florida, for instance).

The article shows the mendacity of those who are deliberately pushing a sexual agenda on young people - and using a Christian high school as the medium in which to do it. Note these two quotes (not to mention the manufactured surprise and outrage) on the part of Janine Papin, the chairman of the fine arts department of the school and the would-be director of the play: "La Cage really isn't about a gay couple. It's about family....It's funny and endearing, and there's a wonderful message about being comfortable with who we are. And it really doesn't have to deal with sexuality."

Nice spin. It's just an innocent, heartwarming show about family. Nothing sexual here, of course. Nothing about a gay couple, it's just an endearing story about a family. It's all a misunderstanding. Right. Note that just a week earlier, the same woman admitted her agenda to the newspaper:

"Last week, Papin told the Sentinel she picked the show because she wants 'to push the limits so that there are very few shows that are off-limits for the kids because of sexual orientation or because of religious differences or whatever it is.'" So, there's a little more here than a nice, funny, endearing story about family.

Also:

"Papin had told Trinity Prep administrators of her selection and was asked to put a PG-13 label on promotional posters. Her news release explained the show involved a gay couple and said 'the audience should be age appropriate for the content.'"

This is a high school, for crying out loud. A Christian high school. Is it too much to ask that the high school play not have to have morality disclaimers and perhaps even turning the brothers and sisters of the actors away at the door because of sexual content? Again, this is a Christian school run by a Christian bishop.

This is a point that seems lost on people. Listen to the remarks of one deluded parent: "I would like the show to go on. It has absolutely nothing to do with the bishop... I don't think it has anything to do with the church."

Notice the total breakdown in logic. This is a church-run school. It certainly has to do with the church. In the Episcopal Church, the bishop has oversight over the church in his diocese. It has everything to do with the church and everything to do with the bishop. This is not a public school. It is a Christian school run under the auspices of the bishop of the diocese - who happens not to believe in the obvious agenda being pushed by Miss Papin.

Christian schools that are run by the church have the obligation to promote a Christian worldview. The church has every right to insist that the school not make a mockery of, or take contrary positions against, the church. If people want high schools that put on plays that challenge the Christian view of sexuality, why don't they either try it in a public school (good luck getting it off the ground funded by taxes) or start their own school dedicated to sexual deviancy (good luck getting parents eager to send their children to a school with an open agenda of not only sexuality, but of deviant sexuality).

Meanwhile, though I think he's tilting at windmills in staying in the Episcopal Church, and while I believe the ECUSA's decision to "ordain" women has led directly to the current civil war in the Episcopal Church regarding homosexuality (as well as the part played by the unrestrained theology of the "charismatic movement" that I understand the bishop is a part of), my hat is off to Bishop Howe for his courageous action to defend the integrity of Scripture, the continuity of the catholic tradition of the Church, and common propriety when it comes to educating young people with regard to matters of marriage and sexuality.

And likewise shame on the folks who are pushing to not only further sexualize young people, but who also have an obvious agenda and are hiding behind the skirt of "tolerance" in an bid to undermine Christ and His bride, the Church.

Dragonflies: God's Magnificent Flying Machines!

The picture above is from Wikipedia and can be found at this link - where you can increase the resolution and really appreciate the fine photographic work of André Karwath who snapped this breathtaking shot with his Nikon D70.

Dragonflies are really spellbinding creatures. After lunch, Leo, Grace, and I walked the three blocks from our home to the Mississippi River levee where we were treated to an all-natural airshow. Whizzing to and fro above the concrete were swarms of dragonflies. We walked right in the midst of them, and even settled in on a bench to watch the aerial acrobatics.

These perfectly-balanced machines can hover, dive, and fly away in a burst of speed, stop on a dime, turn around, and skim the surface of the ground. We speculate that the reflected heat from the concrete attracted the dragonflies - who were likely hunting and eating smaller insects. Whatever the attraction, we sat spellbound as they showed off for us.

They displayed a stunning multiplicity of colors - from iridescent blues, greens, and oranges (sported by the smaller, streamlined models akin to fighter jets) to dark black (which marked the larger, chunkier, and more bomber-looking dragonflies). They all have the ingeniously designed double wings which power their flight and maintain aerodynamics. The wings are generally clear, more fragile-looking than gossamer - and yet obviously tough enough to provide thrust and lift to enable the dragonfly to make precision flight patterns.

They also have an angular fuselage body that is perfectly balanced and aerodynamically designed for flight - as well as providing the delicate control necessary for steering. Of course, the dragonfly is equipped with two huge eyes up front to guide it along its flight path.

As they fly in a swarm, they resemble miniature fighter jets zigging and zagging. Sometimes they behave more like helicopters - hovering, stalling, swooping, and veering off at a tilt before zooming away at a phenomenal speed like an emergency chopper headed to the hospital.

Of course, less enlightened superstitious people claim (with a straight face) that these creatures are not the product of painstaking design, but are actually the pinnacle of millions of years of felicitous accidents. This is really silly, especially considering that if the complicated biological subsystems don't work together in perfect harmony from the start, the animal would never survive in the first place, let alone ever fly. The complexities of thrust, lift, pitch, yaw, balance, the conversion of bio-fuels into efficient motive energy - all governed by a tiny command-center brain - simply must work right as a whole the first time - or the creature would never live to reproduce.

Not even a trillion-trillion years would be enough for even a single cell of a complex life-form to evolve from a dark pottage of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen - let alone a self-contained aerodynamically-precise autonomous decision-making heavier-than-air flying machine of such delicacy, beauty, and efficiency. And that's not even considering the inability of evolutionary theory to explain the origins of matter.

These little machines are simply impressively designed flight craft. They not only teach us scientific lessons about aerodynamic principles and intricately connected biological and molecular systems, they also serve as a source of grace and beauty for our pleasure, wonder, and enjoyment.

Dragonflies are living, breathing, flying proclamations of Psalm 104.

God - the Creator; the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - is not only the supreme scientist, He is the archetypal aviator and artist.

Sermon: Trinity 13

2 Sept 2007 at Salem Lutheran Church, Gretna, LA
Text: Luke 10:23-37

In the name of + Jesus. Amen.

Some questions aren’t really questions at all – especially when lawyers ask them. In a court of law, the question is not an inquiry, but rather a directed stream of thought specifically designed to lead people to a specific conclusion.

In other words, a question can quite often be more of a statement, a rhetorical device to make a point.

The lawyer who puts the question to Jesus has such an agenda.

“What shall I do to inherit eternal life?”

Of course, the lawyer – as any good lawyer knows – is not asking a question to which he doesn’t know the answer. He is an expert in the law of Moses. He knows the scriptures and the legal application of them. He certainly knows the commandments, as well as all of the ceremonial. He is obviously asking the question to make himself look good.

Unlike Nicodemus, who seeks Jesus out at night asking the same question, only in a humble spirit of true inquiry, of self-doubt, of seeking the answer to a troubling question, our lawyer asks Jesus the same question in plain sight, in public. As St. Luke points out, the lawyer is seeking to “justify himself.” He isn’t stumbling around the dark looking for answers, rather he’s looking for the praise of men in the plain of day.

So, Jesus turns the question around – showing that the lawyer’s question is no real question at all. Jesus also entraps the lawyer a bit in his own pride. Jesus says: “What is your reading of it?” What self-righteous intellectual showoff isn’t going to fall for that one? Jesus doesn’t ask: “What does the Word of God say?” or “What is the tradition of our fathers in their reading of the text to which you are bound to submit?” Instead, Jesus appeals to the man’s ego.

And our lawyer takes the bait and answers the question correctly: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.” All we need now is for the game show host to point to the glittering lights as our contestant has just won a million dollars. The lawyer gives the right answer. Jesus congratulates him, but also throws him a bit of a curve.

For though the answer is right, it’s not really satisfying, is it? It’s like asking a doctor, “How long do I have to live?” and he answers “about an hour.” If he is right, that’s not very good news.

Our Lord’s answer is along these lines. It’s almost like He says: “Well, done. You got the answer just right! Just be perfect and you will have eternal life. Well played, sir. Have a nice life.”

Instead of reacting with uneasiness in the face of such an uncompromising demand (the way Jesus’ friends, the sinners, the thieves, the prostitutes, and the tax collectors do), the lawyer still doesn’t get it. He is still looking for attention, for public approval, for Jesus’ praise. And so he decides to continue in his self-justification by asking Jesus: “Who is my neighbor?”

Again, he’s not asking with pure motives: “Please, Lord, tell me who my neighbor is so that I may serve him.” Instead, the motivation of self-justification means he’s looking for a loophole. The real question on the lawyer’s mind is more like: “Who is my neighbor, so I can ‘love’ him in order to get my reward, while refusing to love those who aren’t my neighbors?”

Our lawyer is actually looking for the answer to the opposite question: “Who is not my neighbor?”

Our Lord Jesus, the Word made flesh, the one whose incarnation divides the story of human existence into two distinct parts, BC and AD, the greatest Teacher who ever drew breath, turns our know-it-all lawyer into a schoolboy. Having had enough of our lawyer’s leading questions to drive the conversation, our Lord and Master takes charge of the exchange – almost like a wise old uncle who says: “Boy, pull up a chair, I’m gonna teach you something.”

Jesus the Teacher tells a story.

And that story is one of the most famous in all of world literature. It is a story so well-known that the title it has come to be known by has been used by artists, poets, writers, and film-makers ever since to illustrate their own stories. We know this parable today as “The Good Samaritan.”

The tale is so well-known that it hardly seems worth the time re-reading it – which is one of the best reasons why we should look at it with fresh eyes. This is not just a story by a wise teacher, it is instruction about the Kingdom of God from the very lips of God. It has been written, inscribed, enscripturated, for our salvation. For we are like the hard-headed and proud lawyer, seeking to impress people, and God, by having all the right answers and wanting to justify ourselves.

Let us sit down and listen to our Lord’s instruction.

The victim of our story takes a beating. He’s in the gutter helpless and dying. He cannot help himself. His life is literally in the hands of every passerby.

And the first such person happens to be a priest. Priests are supposed to stand in the stead of God. They are to be the mouthpieces of the living, compassionate God. But for whatever reason, he decides to ignore the victim, and crosses the street so as to put him out of his mind.

The next passerby is a Levite – not a priest, but a helper of the priest. Levites don’t serve at the altar offering the sacrifice, but they are a priestly people, the hands of God in the care of the holy things. More is certainly expected of a Levite than to simply follow the priest’s bad example, ignore the victim, and cross the street.

The third man, unlike the priest and the Levite, has no reputation for holiness. In fact, he’s a Samaritan, a despised racial minority. But, of course, he’s also the hero of the tale. As a storyteller, our Lord loves irony – because it makes us think. This fictional Samaritan challenges us on many levels. Not motivated by doing what is expected of him, and with no reason to think he would ever be applauded or rewarded, the lowly man of Samaria shames the priest and Levite by doing what they should have done.

The Samaritan pays attention to the victim, bandages him, salves the wounds with oil and wine, transports him to a place of lodging, and then pays the price for his ongoing care.

Of course, Jesus wraps up the tale with a question of his own – a question to which our Lord likewise already knows the answer: “Which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?” Our lawyer is no longer asking questions, but is boxed in to giving the answer Jesus maneuvered him into: “He who showed mercy on him.”

For in the end, mercy is what every sinner needs, every person who has fallen among the thieves of this fallen world, every victim who has been brutalized by the devil and by his own sinful flesh. We cannot help ourselves, our lives are literally in the hands of God, dependent upon His mercy. And Jesus, “the stone the builders rejected,” is the One who comes to us in our fallenness, bandages us with His Word of absolution, salves us with the oil and wine of baptism and communion, transports us not with a beast of burden, but upon his own back scarred by the Roman whip and cross, carrying us to a place of eternal lodging. Moreover, He pays with His life for our ongoing care unto eternity. Jesus is our Good Samaritan. He is the truly correct answer to the question of eternal life. And thanks be to God our Lord doesn’t seek a loophole to the question of “who is my neighbor?” For the Lord is not just our Neighbor, but our Brother. Instead of seeking to justify Himself, the One who is Just justifies us through our being baptized into Him.

Having been justified, having been healed, having been given the gift of eternal life, having been given the example of the Good Samaritan in the flesh, we are indeed free to “go and do likewise.”

For just as God works through priests and Levites to forgive sins and be present upon the earth, our incarnate Lord Jesus works through pastors and lay people alike to be the mouthpieces and hands of God. But above all, God’s people are to be merciful, even as He is merciful with us.

For like the lawyer in our story, we already know the answer to the question of eternal life. But like our lawyer, we need to hear the answer repeated over and over again from the very lips of Jesus, through hearing of the absolving holy Word of God at every possible opportunity, through the oil of daily repentance and remembrance of Holy Baptism, through frequent application of the medicinal wine of Holy Communion, unto the living out of the life of mercy as our Lord enables us, now and forevermore. Amen.

In the name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Sermon: the Martyrdom of St. John the Baptist

29 Aug 2007 at Salem Lutheran Church, Gretna, LA
Text: Mark 6:14-29 (Rev. 6:9-11, Rom 6:1-5)

In the name of + Jesus. Amen.

The world looks up to men and women who defy the authorities, who stand up courageously against the power structure. History books lionize Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, and the founding fathers of America. Lutherans venerate the memory of Martin Luther who refused to yield to the pope. Around the world, monuments honor heroes who died fighting for political independence, such as King Leonidas, William Wallace, and Stonewall Jackson.

Perhaps the greatest such hero apart from our Lord Jesus Christ goes largely unnoticed by the world. On this date, the Christian Church honors the martyrdom of St. John the Baptist.

We Lutherans perhaps don’t honor John as much as we should. For didn’t our Lord Himself say that there is no greater man born of women? Every Eastern Orthodox church in the world has an icon of John near the altar. On that count, we can certainly learn from our Eastern brothers and sisters.

For John is a pivotal figure in the history of God’s people. John stands between the Old and New Testament, ushers in Christ, and serves as an end-time figure all at once.

John is the last of the Old Testament prophets, the son of a priest, the product of a miraculous birth announced by the angel Gabriel. Like Israel’s ancient prophets, John speaks boldly of the Messiah. And yet John doesn’t have to die before seeing the Promised One like his fellow prophets. For John is the forerunner. Our Lord links him to the mighty prophet Elijah. But John isn’t only a prophetic messenger, he is flesh and blood of our Lord, being the cousin of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of our Lord Himself. And not only is John the last Old Testament prophet, he is the first New Testament preacher. He is not only a proclaimer of the Word, but he is the first minister of the sacraments! John is the Baptist, the one who connects water with God’s grace and salvation, the one and only one who will baptize our blessed Lord Himself.

As Paul tells us in our epistle, we are united to Christ through baptism, to Him whose baptism was administered by John. In a very real way, we are all linked to John through our own baptisms into Christ.

John’s faithful preaching of the Kingdom of God, of repentance, of baptismal grace didn’t make everyone happy. John the Baptist is certainly the patron saint of every pastor whose preaching of the law made someone mad at him. For John was to become a martyr for the sake of his preaching of the Kingdom and of the need to repent.

The red to see on our altar is symbolic of the very real red blood that flowed from John’s Body, which to this day awaits the resurrection to be reunited with his sprit that cries out for vengeance under the heavenly altar, according to our reading from Revelation.

In a very real way, John represents the entire history of God’s people. He straddles BC and AD, he binds the prophets and priests of the Old Testament to the bishops and pastors of the New. He connects us in the temporal world to the angelic hosts of eternity. He is a continuation of the preaching of the Gospel from before the coming of our Lord to the time after Jesus’ incarnation. He shares family ties of flesh and blood to the Virgin Mary and our Lord. He is the symbol of Holy Baptism, and his martyrdom is a symbol of the Christian life.

For didn’t our Lord say “take up your cross and follow me?” Didn’t he tell us that what is done to the master will be done to the disciple? Doesn’t he warn all of us that we will be dragged before the enemies of God’s Kingdom, interrogated, harassed, tortured, and put to death?

John was decapitated for the sake of the Lord, who is his true head. The Lord Jesus Christ is also our head, the Church’s head. We, the body of Christ, submit to Him – even if it means it will cost us our lives. Hearers of the Word are to take John’s sermon of repentance to heart, and preachers of the Word are to expect martyrdom for the sake of Him to whom they are yoked. Submission and suffering are the common experience of lay people and clergy alike.

Though St. John was never a hymn-writer as far as we know, we sing His hymn, his confession, his words which are the Holy Spirit’s words every time we gather for the Lord’s Supper, the Agnus Dei: “O Christ, Thou Lamb of God, that takest away the sin of the world….” Even the liturgy of the Christian Church is dripping with John’s blood and sings out John’s preaching of our Lord Jesus Christ!

And yet, in John’s lifetime, no-one could have appeared to be more of a failure. John was seized by the authorities, silenced, put into a dark dungeon, where he would be beheaded alone, apart from friends and family. On this side of the grave he did not see the fruits of his preaching or witness the miraculous works of his Cousin who is God.

At the end of our Gospel text, John’s disciples laid his body in a tomb. They would later become our Lord’s disciples who would live to see John’s divine Cousin similarly laid in a tomb – only Jesus would burst the bonds of the grave and would sanctify the graves of all Christians – including the grave of faithful John the Baptist.

What appears to be John’s abysmal failure in this life is his ultimate glorious triumph in eternity. What seems to be the hopeless end is really only the hopeful beginning. John’s purpose in life, his reason for being born, was fulfilled. John carried out his mission faithfully and courageously – pointing the world to the One who would crush the serpent’s head once and for all.

On the last day, John’s body will be pulled from the grave, his flesh and bones reconstituted gloriously by grace of the One he proclaimed in his short life in the fallen world. And we will join him, our faithful brother, joyfully celebrating our baptismal victory in the water of life in the new creation, not only singing the Agnus Dei, but truly beholding the Lamb of God for all eternity. Amen.

In the name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Marketing and the Christian Church

"A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Closing. Always be closing, always be closing...'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted."
- Blake (Glengarry Glen Ross)

There is a close relationship between "sales" and "marketing." Buying and selling are necessary in this life, and it didn't take long for the occupation of "salesman" to emerge. There are honest salesmen, of course, but the temptation to rack up sales figures at all costs is great - as brilliantly portrayed in the modern-day Greek tragedy Glengarry Glen Ross. In the movie adaptation of the David Mamet play, Alec Baldwin plays Blake, a hard-nosed "motivational speaker" who abuses the real estate salesmen in the office with profanity and threats - interspersed with quotes from Jesus and the Bible. He tells them that the most important thing in life is selling, closing the deal. Being a "closer" trumps all other things, such as being a nice guy or a good father.

When someone - be it an individual or company - wants to sell you something, packaging is important. We are more likely to buy something if the presentation is attractive, if the product's benefits can be explained to us. There is a whole science of deal-closing, of convincing someone to purchase something. It's called "marketing."

By way of example, a few weeks ago, I went shopping for a TV antenna - just a simple set of rabbit ears. So I go to Best Buy and pick one up off the shelf. There are lots of TV antennas on the market. So, RCA wants me to buy their rabbit ears instead of Toshiba's. RCA could make a better product for a lower price, tapping in to the economic law of supply and demand. Of course, they need to make sure their product is in a decent price range for its quality. But they can do something else. They can use packaging to "sell" me on the item. Maybe I need a little nudge to get off the fence, to make the conversion from browser to buyer. Maybe I need some convincing that RCA's version is better than the rest on the market.

I did become a buyer of an RCA TV antenna. Not because of the packaging (which I read later after getting it home), but because I don't have cable and I needed rabbit ears to replace the ones that didn't fit into the hole on the top of my TV and didn't work so well. I have a demand, the seller has a supply. So far, so good. The RCA antenna was reasonably-priced, and was just what I was looking for. Nevertheless, the marketing on the package was a hoot:


"For a high-quality indoor antenna, the choice is clear. The ANT103 was designed and manufactured to provide sharp reception, with silver dipoles and a UHF loop that tilts and rotates to receive TV and FM stereo signals. The ANT103 ensures high-quality video and audio reception, with outstanding features such as a 12-position fine tuning switch. The sleek, new contemporary design of the ANT103 complements any decor with its two-tone silver finish. For beauty, form and function, RCA brand indoor antennas can't be beat. Get the picture?" [Emphasis original]

Again, keep in mind, we're not talking about cutting edge technology here. These are rabbit ears - one step removed from a coat-hanger-and-duct-tape aerial. These are two metal poles that slide up out of a plastic base. It is no more high-tech and cutting edge than a number two pencil - and about the same when it comes to "beauty, form, and function." But consumers expect things that go with their TVs to be laden with gadgetry and electronic wizardry. They expect mysterious acronyms, technocratic jargon, emotive words, and glittering excitement. Even when it comes to something as low-tech and uninspiring as rabbit ears. "Get the picture?"

Of course, RCA is a big company. They didn't have one of the guys in the mail-room write the verbiage and slap it into a Word document in three or four minutes. No, this is pure marketing. Every word, every punctuation mark, every use of bold was carefully weighed, and probably tested in focus groups, for effectiveness. It probably went through several iterations and versions, was approved by a host of titled executives, and trotted out to volunteers who were then interviewed and quizzed and analyzed about how the pitch made them feel toward the product. Data was crunched, standard deviations were calculated. Conclusions were drawn.

Marketing is clever, corporate, and manipulative - although it is done under the radar - lest the unknowing consumer begin to realize he is being "played" - especially the consumer that prides himself on his independence, his desire for "authenticity" and his disdain for corporate manipulation. Like chameleons, the marketers promote their products as if no marketing were involved at all.

For more about how marketing works, check out this exposé.

Part of the goal of marketing is to make the whole process look spontaneous and "real" - when nothing could be further from the truth.

But "truth" is not the goal - "sales" are. Ultimately, marketing is dishonesty. For truth is embellished (at very least) in order to "get them to sign on the line which is dotted." Closing the deal is the goal, not a truthful exchange of information so the consumer can make an informed choice. Marketing is a science. Lurking behind the image of "cool" is actually a bevy of executives, psychologists, and statisticians with a methodology designed to create an artificial image and to drum up artificial demand. The average consumer just thinks he's buying something "cool." He has no idea he's been manipulated by a long and arduous process designed to work in the background.

I've been told of a book called All Marketers Are Liars: The Power of Telling Authentic Stories in a Low-Trust World - and it has been highly recommended to me. The premise is that marketing is lying - but the good marketer must know just what he can get away with. There must be enough truth not to betray his lies, and the lies - in order to be ethical lies - must not cause anyone physical harm.

Of course, harm can be spiritual as well as physical.

In a day and age of many competing religious confessions, church leaders began to see the potential of marketing to draw people in to houses of worship. Certainly, bringing people to church to hear the Word of God is a laudable goal. Jesus commissioned the apostles to "make disciples of all nations" and proclaim the good news of salvation to every creature - which sounds to our fallen reason to be a classic case of sales and marketing. We have a commodity to "sell" (Jesus), we have potential consumers to "buy" (the world), and we have "competition" to undercut (marketing). Somehow, as the logic goes, we need to use marketing techniques to define ourselves, to increase market share and revenue, and to "sell" people on Jesus and our particular confession or denomination.

Hence we see churches engaging in all the typical sales and marketing gimmickry of the world: slogans, programs, brand identity and logos, talking points, balloons, large inflatable gorillas, slick ads, focus groups, promotions, and attractive packaging. There are mail-outs, launches, attempts to come across as spontaneously "cool," a drumbeat of peer pressure, attempts to "tap into the culture" and an appeal to numbers as evidence of "what works."

Of course, Jesus never speaks of marketing. In fact, Jesus is the market executive's worst nightmare. He tells us to take up our cross. He tells us to die to self. He tells us the Christian life is a life of self-denial, not consumption. He tells us we are helpless and must come before God as beggars (rather than consumers armed with MasterCard and a thousand choices). In Holy Scripture, preachers are not compared to Fuller Brush Salesmen, and the Gospel is not described as a multi-level Amway product. Rather the preacher is compared to a sower, and the Word of God to a humble seed. We're not talking about agri-business either. The preacher is a pretty bad farmer in terms of resource allocation and marketing strategy. The preacher (that is, the sower of the seeds) has no marketing strategy whatsoever. He tosses seeds everywhere: the street, the sidewalk, the thorny ground, the sunny ground, the soil that looks promising, and the soil that looks hopeless. He is not to rely on focus groups and statistical studies, but rather on the Holy Spirit.

There is no more anti-corporate model than that of our Lord's vision of church growth.

And yet, hapless church officials continue to recommend that pastors read all sorts of business best-sellers and the latest offerings by the sales and marketing gurus to shape their ministries and approach to Christian outreach. They seem to put more faith in Peter Drucker than in the Third Person of the Holy Trinity.

In the 1980s, we were swamped with a slew of books under the loose heading of the "Church Growth Movement" (CGM). Everyone, it seemed, was jumping on the bandwagon. After a lot of marketing research, the "gurus" told us that young people didn't want liturgy, so we began experimenting with more free forms. The "experts" told us traditional hymnody was a turn-off, so we filled our sanctuaries with drums and guitars. The Masters of the CGM told us that sermons about sin and redemption, law and gospel, justification and sanctification were no longer "relevant" - so our preachers began entertaining us with folksy stories and edgy humor. The consultants also told us that we needed to embrace technology - so we spent thousands of dollars on sound systems, big screens, software, more consultants, and redecorating of our sanctuaries.

The result was the megachurch. A "success" in the eyes of the marketers and CGM experts, but a failure when looked at according to Scripture. For in seeking the false god of Prosperity, the doctrine was watered down as to be indistinguishable from anyone else's. In order to keep the customer coming back, we need to give him what he wants - and that means no talk of sin, the cross, the total reliance of the Christian on the charity and grace of God. It means telling folks what they want to hear. It is no coincidence that the vast majority of "name it and claim it" hucksters and "prosperity gospel" false prophets come straight out of the megachurch. Our churches came to resemble mini Disney Worlds - complete with shows, concerts, drama, comedy, emotive music, and canned presentations.

Of course, the appeal of this paradigm has worn thin. Younger people see the phoniness of this big, plastic church. They seek something more "authentic."

But the marketers were already on their trail, sniffing around to figure out what the next fad should be. They know that the paradigm is shifting, that to capture the valuable youth demographic, the product must be marketed to appeal to Gen-X, Gen-Y, and beyond, and away from the model that worked for Baby Boomers. The surveys and research point to the fact that the younger crowd is somewhat in rebellion against the phony megachurch model, the preacher in khakis and golf shirts, the elegantly-designed sets and stages, and the ubiquitous cheesy adult-contemporary crooning. The younger demographic is looking for something grittier, less "yuppie" and suburban-looking - perhaps a pastor with a soup-catcher beard and a few piercings, a "worship space" that looks less corporate, less Starbuck's and a more "Indie" and dark. The music needs to be less "happy-clappy" and more "edgy." Anything to avoid the "corporate" look. And so, corporations are brought in to foster this anti-corporate look and environment.

This is what is known as the Emerging Church movement. Instead of looking like a shopping mall, the emerging church more closely resembles (and may actually be) a coffee shop. Instead of slickly-produced music, it may be less polished and more "raw." Instead of going for the cutesy sermon, the preacher may opt for more "street." The idea is to jettison the plasticity of the modern "worship center" and replace it with a more postmodern "worship experience" that seeks to blend traditional forms without being bound to tradition. Hence, the "emerging" worship style might use ancient icons transmitted on a plasma TV screen and employ Gregorian chant combined with grunge rock. It defies dogmatic theology in exchange for a subjective spirituality.

The emerging church seeks communion with the traditional church, while at the same time avoiding the responsibilities and obligations of traditional Christianity. It seeks an orthodoxy that is flexible. Of course, this is at odds with historic communions such as dogmatic Roman Catholicism, change-resistant Eastern Orthodoxy, tradition-bound continuing Anglicanism, and traditionalist confessional Lutheranism. The doctrine and practice of historic Christianity is rooted in the confession of absolute truth. The emerging church wants the stability and "authenticity" of a traditional church, but without imposing the strictures of truth on its members.

Lutheran Christianity is a historic expression of Western Catholicism. Traditional Lutheran doctrine and practice is a reversion to ancient Roman Catholicism. Lutheranism is, according to its normative documents in the 1580 Book of Concord, dogmatic and scriptural in its theology and liturgical and scriptural in its worship practice. The Lutheran tradition is antithetical with wishy-washy doctrines and new age worship styles.

Lutheranism is rooted in Christ through the Word of God and the sacraments. According to Lutheranism, one becomes a Christian apart from one's will (hence we don't make a "decision for Christ"), through the sacrament of Holy Baptism (which is not a mere symbol in our theology), and is carried out in fellowship within the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church through the ministrations of the pastoral office, the bishop/priest of traditional western theology as articulated in the Bible. It is through the pastor that the Lord works forgiveness and gives His gifts. This is an alien, even repugnant, theology to virtually all of Protestantism.

This explains the great incongruity between Protestant fads - such as the Church Growth Movement, Megachurches, and now the Emerging Church - and the theology confessed by Lutherans. Unlike a non-denominational church, a Lutheran pastor can't simply purchase a one-size-fits-all kit, show a few boilerplate videos, play a few generic Protestant praise songs, and wait for the market forces to do their work. For Lutherans (and other traditions within the historic Church), living out the Christian faith and life simply can't be done apart from the sacraments, from preaching, and from traditional worship forms. Attempts to do so always result in a doctrine and practice that are at odds with the Book of Concord - to which all Lutheran pastors and congregations are bound.

Here is an example (Sanctuary1010) of one such attempt to combine the Emerging Church fad with the venerable evangelical catholic (Lutheran) tradition. On Sanctuary1010's website you see all the cookie-cutter elements of other "emerging" examples. It has all the key nomenclature as identified by the professional religion industry's corporate strategists and gurus. A cursory look around the internet, and you'll see the same thing - only with different names. Without knowing that this is a creation of corporate America, you might begin to believe that this is something unique and "edgy" instead of being simply an ecclesiastical version of McDonald's.

Aside from the canned marketing element of "sanctuary1010" - that meets in a theater and tries hard to look "hip," take a look at the theology. You'll find a lot of God-talk, vague gibberish about "spirituality," and some Orpah-esque talk about community. Under "looking for answers" you will get an unintended, and yet somehow fitting "coming soon." Under "what do we believe?" you will find precious little. A couple verses from Scripture are cited and paraphrased in a very Protestant, perhaps even Gnostic, manner. Jesus goes unmentioned until you drill down into "the solution." Here it is..

God saw the problem we were in and loved us so much He did something about it: He sent His only Son, Jesus, to earth for us.

- (John 3:16)

Jesus is the only one who could make things right between us and God because He is the only one who is both God and man.

- (1 Timothy 2:5-6; Colossians 2:8-9)

Jesus gave His life as the perfect sacrifice for our sins and restores our relationship with God.

- (Isaiah 53:5; 2 Corinthians 5:21)

All of this is true, of course, but terribly incomplete. This is not "the solution" one would find in a Lutheran church - a vague, almost ethereal reference to Jesus being a sacrifice. Lutheran theology is rooted in baptism. We Lutherans cannot talk about salvation without speaking of Holy Baptism - and yet the word baptism is not even uttered on this site! Nor is Holy Absolution. Nor is Holy Communion. These very things are "the solution" - and yet they go unmentioned! That's because this supposedly "edgy" way of "doing church" is a corporate clone with non-denominational roots, a McChurch designed around a series of focus group studies, a turn-key business model aped from a theology that is not within our Lutheran tradition. They all look and sound the same regardless of denomination or confession - because they are market-driven, not truth-driven.

Marketing is institutionalized dishonesty designed to sell everything from cars to laundry soap, from pocket fishermen to light beer. Church Marketing is even worse. It's a fraud that custom-makes a pop-religion around the consumer, that denies the power of the Holy Spirit, that flies in the face of ancient confessed truths that point to the One Absolute Truth in the flesh, who comes to us in His chosen means - whether the world has been trained like Pavlov's dogs to find such truth hip or not.

The Christian Church must avoid the "Always Be Closing" mentality. Church executives should not be like Blake in Glengarry Glen Ross, whipping the pastors up into an emotional frenzy to go out there and make sales. Faithfulness to the family of God's people and to the doctrine and practice of the Holy Church must never play second fiddle to "closing" and racking up a tote- board of "critical events" rooted in sales seminars and pitches. What works for fast food restaurants and telemarketing firms will not work for the Church Catholic - with or without numbers that can be used to declare "success."

St. Paul, not Blake, speaks for the Lord Jesus Christ and His Church: "For we are not, like so many, peddlers (kapeleuontes) of God's Word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God in the sight of God we speak in Christ." 2 Cor 2:17 ESV

Good intentions, bad law

Several municipalities in my state, Louisiana, have made "sagging" (the wearing of baggy pants so low that one's underwear is exposed) illegal - as well as the roughly equivalent female practice of pants being cut so low as to similarly reveal their undergarments (as well as a lot of abdominal skin). Atlanta is now trying to legislate trouser placement.

This is a classic example of good intentions gone awry.

As Lutherans ought to know very well, the law can't fix every problem. While this isn't a theological issue, it is an example of the impotence (that's impotence, not importance) of the law when it comes to fixing sinful behavior.

At best, decency laws keep order. Public nudity is illegal, if for no other reason that it would create chaos. Can you imagine the number of car accidents? Cell phones are bad enough on our insurance rates, but naked people walking around on the sidewalk? Some people would wreck their cars craning their necks for a better view, while others would drive into a ditch trying not to look, averting their eyes, and reaching for the "eye bleach." There is a reason why some things are simply best kept hidden.

However, the problem with laws against droopy pants is that we're not talking about nudity, something that is easily definable. Most "saggers" wear boxers under their comical pantaloons. These are no more risqué than gym shorts that we all had to wear in grade school PE class. They're shorts, not a whole lot different than what has become acceptable attire for men and women nearly year-round in the South. In fact, boxers reveal far less skin than typical swim attire. How do you enforce a law against droopy pants when it would be perfectly legal to shed the pants entirely? What is actually illegal - the sagging pants or the exposure of boxers?

Similarly, current women's fashion may be skanky, suggestive, or just plain trashy - but unless nudity is involved, such things are impossible to regulate. What if a girl wore a pair of Victorian bloomers under her get-up, covered with a thong and low-rise jeans - could she be arrested? Can sports bras be outlawed when women routinely walk around the beach in bikinis?

Once again, the trashy fashions are symptomatic of a lack of self-respect, a desire to project oneself as a hunk of meat, a juvenile desire to debase oneself for the sake of peer-acceptance, a childish crying out for attention. The "fashion" is indicative of a repugnant attitude - toward oneself and toward one's peers.

The problem is that attitudes can't be legislated and good fashion taste cannot be achieved with threats of jail time.

Enforceable laws must be clear, and they must address behavior. If I wear a pair of basketball shorts and go out in public, this would not be illegal. But if I wear the same shorts, covered up with goofy-looking pants that are way too big so you can see my basketball shorts underneath, now this would be illegal? Police officers would be put into an impossible enforcement situation, and it will also detract them from enforcing other laws. Besides, what to do with repeat offenders? Do we really want people in our already overcrowded jails and prisons for fashion faux-pas?

Ditto for the women who show as much skin as a streetwalker. Unless she is really engaging in the behavior that she seems to want us to think she does, she's doing nothing illegal - even if she is setting a poor example for young girls and expressing a terrible image of herself. The truly sad part is that a lot of young women seem to think showing me their "drawers" makes me think they're attractive. I just feel sorry for them. How starved for attention must one be to walk around a bookstore or school campus practically naked? How sad when one's personality, intellect, charm, virtues, talents, self-confidence, grace, and refinement are so utterly lacking and non-existent that a girl feels the need to practically expose her buttocks to get someone somewhere, anyone anywhere, to cast even a glance in her direction? It must be a desperate and lonely life. The word "pathetic" comes to mind.

The bottom line is this: people will do all sorts of things to denigrate themselves, to be laughed at behind their backs in a desperate bid to fit in with somebody, to seek out even bad attention rather than to be just a number among six billion other ignored and lonely people. This kind of wretched self-image can't be fixed with legislation, cops on patrol, fines, jail time, billboards, and a campaign of public service announcements.

If the law could fix everything, we could simply outlaw modern art, hand-dryers in public restrooms, and hurricanes!

This just seems wrong...

...but I can't help but laugh.

Someone posted this mock-up of King Leonidas as portrayed in the new film "300" and embellishing his famous quote with a spoof of the Arby's commercial. Spartan valor combined with American marketing is just too incongruous not to be funny. How can you simply not chortle at this? I've been looking at it for two days and I'm still giggling.

King Leonidas was a truly great man, a hero to warriors around the globe for 2,500 years. He and his heroic 300 Spartans who fought to the death repelling a monstrous Persian army at the "hot gates" of the Pass of Thermopylae in 480 BC have been revered in history and in literature since the days of Herodotus, and on film since at least the late 1950s in the Hollywood epic "300 Spartans." Most recently, of course, their legendary exploits have been told in the form of a Frank Miller comic book come to celluloid (or should we say digital?) life in the movie "300."

"300" has been roundly criticized for taking liberties not only with the story, but with the costumes, the dialog, and other historical and military details. Historians have generally hated the film. But I liked it.

First of all, it is not a documentary nor a reenactment. It is a compelling story told in the style of a comic book. It reminds the viewer of the surreal storytelling in the Spider-man or Batman movies. It also calls to mind the other-worldliness of The Matrix films. It is an iconic work of art based loosely on a historical event. In some ways, it is similar to the relationship of the musical "1776" to the actual events in Philadelphia surrounding the real birth of American independence.

Second, it is a mythical re-tell of a story that has become larger than life. It is a tribute, not only to specific men (Leonidas and his troops), to a people (Spartans, and by extension, all Greeks), but to an ideal: freedom from tyranny; defense against invasion; courage to fight against hopeless odds; defense of home, hearth, women, and children; and the refusal to back down from what is right - even in the face of certain death and annihilation. It is an anthem of devotion to tribe, to homeland, to patriotism, to responsible government. The heroes of "300" are not invading other countries to expand an empire, but are rather defending themselves against an empire.

Third, it is a parallel story of our Lord Jesus. Obviously, Leonidas was not a worshiper of the one true God. However, there is an anachronistic christology reflected in the film. Leonidas is a mighty king, but not one who lords over his people. He is rather a servant-king, one who is willing to shed his own blood and sacrifice his own life for his people.

Fourth, "300" is not ambiguous about good and evil, right and wrong. In our current postmodern era, it has become fashionable to tell stories without clear heroes and villains, or in some cases, to recast and "re-vision" or "reinterpret" the evil characters as good, and the good as evil. In "300," the evil characters are grotesque and ugly. The heroes are manly and well-formed. The violence in the film is not gratuitous, but reflects a purpose of good standing up to evil, of the hero being willing to fight to the death for his ideals. Evil seeks to devour and destroy. Being a hero is not for the weak of knees or stomach.

Fifth, in this age of historical illiteracy, there is a real chance that young people who would never pick up a Loeb's classical book by Herodotus, consider learning to read ancient Greek, or even dreaming of studying Classics in college will be inspired to learn more about Leonidas and the 300, about Sparta, classical Greece, and the Persian Empire. Of course, such an inquirer will discover many details "300" either got wrong or embellished intentionally, but one thing that he will not find is that "300" lied about the courage and legacy of these brave men. History is interesting. "300" is anything but dry, boring, and pedantic. It is the kind of film that can inspire and cultivate curiosity about peoples and cultures of the past.

Which brings me around to the photoShopped picture. Once again, with all due respect to Leonidas, one can't help but think a part of him would approve. The Spartans showed their indifference to death by calmly combing and treating their hair and doing exercises in plain view of the enemy on the eve of battle. The remark "Eat a hearty breakfast, for tonight we dine in hell" attributed to Leonidas reflects a certain tongue-in-cheek bravado that demonstrates the importance of a sense of humor in the face of trials and tribulations. One of Leonidas's men was told that the Persians have so many archers that the arrows would blot out the sun. The nonplussed soldier replied: "Good. Then we'll fight in the shade" - probably in between bites of food. And of course, the most famous one-liner in all of history - one that must turn even Clint Eastwood and Bruce Willis green with envy - was when Leonidas was asked by the Persians to lay down his arms. In keeping with the laconic Spartan tradition he replied with only two words: "Molon labe!" ("Come and get them!").

So it is in that spirit that I reproduce someone's clever PhotoShop work above. And in case anyone thinks I don't respect King Leonidas as a real historical person of greatness, you can ask my son about it. We call him "Leo" for short. ;-)

You've got to bee kidding!

In Maine, there is a debate about whether or not a man's bee hives constitute "illegal farming."

That's right. Farming. I'm surprised they haven't tried to nail him under "interstate commerce" since bees routinely cross state lines.

The man isn't raising chickens (which, it seems, the town may allow, due to a 10-year old child's complaints), hogs, cattle, or any other "aromatic" livestock. He has honeybee hives.

Here's the story. I think this excerpt sums up the conflict:

"Patricia Doucette, the city’s longtime code enforcement officer, hopes to sit down one-on-one with beekeeper Omid Ghayebi to discuss the situation. But she said the bees violate rules limiting farming in residential zones. 'We have determined that this type of activity is offensive and detrimental to the neighborhood...'"

Note the use of the "Royal We" by the "code enforcement officer" (which seems to be a rather long euphemism for I don't know what). Note the use of the words "offensive" and "detrimental." My goodness! We're talking about honeybees, not rabid pit bulls. There is a sudden and unexplained shortage of honeybees around the world, which has caused a crisis in many areas. Why? Because honeybees pollinate flowers, pollinated flowers produce fruit, and fruit feeds people. Entire hives are dying off all over the world as the bees' immunity systems are failing, and no-one knows exactly why. The folks in this community should be happy that one of their neighbors has hives that are prospering.

Bees are indigenous creatures that occur in nature. Local governments can no more regulate (or ban) their existence than they can control the routes that birds fly or mandate how many seeds can sprout in the ground. Of course, in our modern American suburban way of life, we think we can control the progress of every microbe and grub that wanders across our property line and subject every blade of grass to stringent rules and regulations - especially if we can get the property owners' association or city council involved.

Part of the problem is ignorance. A lot of people in the 'burbs have simply lost touch with nature. There is a valuable function that honeybees perform, and there are consequences if we create a sterile world without them. Secondly, honeybees are not wasps or yellow-jackets. They are gentle creatures. I'm always amazed when someone sees a bee and starts wildly swatting in the air as if he were defending himself against an attack by monsters. When you ask why he is swatting the air like a madman, he'll tell you that he doesn't want to get stung. Really? That's the one way you can guarantee getting stung!

If you leave them alone, they won't sting you. This is generally true even for aggressive stinging creatures. Honeybees (and bumblebees) are laid-back, almost tame creatures that only sting as a last resort. You can actually pet a big fuzzy bumblebee on its back as it buzzes around flowers. Try it! They're really quite friendly.

We have prolific orange and lemon trees at our place. The yield was phenomenal last year, and it looks like it will be again this year. We also have lots of carpenter bees that have created (with no prompting from us) nests in our shed out back, and even some on the underside of our porch swing - all unauthorized by local, parish, state, and federal officials! The females drill small holes in exposed wood and lay eggs. The males (who are huge) hover around looking for mates. They're very curious bees, and will buzz around and look you in the eye as though they're studying you. They are the most un-aggressive creatures around - and they are also God's gift to citrus trees.

People really need to get a grip and learn to coexist with God's creatures. They exist in the grand scheme of things for something other than petty bureaucrats to feel powerful by passing laws against them, and for neighbors to bicker over. If you like flowers and fruit, then you ought to like bees, and you should do everything in your power to encourage their prosperity.

I honestly believe a lot of folks think fruit just magically appears in the produce section of Wally World and that flowers come up because the civic association has passed a resolution ordering them to.

I hope Mr. Ghayebi tells the hysterical harassment officer to "buzz off," and that somebody in the South Portland local government has as many brain cells as your average drone.

Sermon: Trinity 12

26 Aug 2007 at Salem Lutheran Church, Gretna, LA
Text: Mark 7:31-37 (Isa 29:18-24, Rom 10:9-17)

In the name of + Jesus. Amen.

In our Gospel lesson, Jesus is on a journey. He is in the land of the Gentiles, the people who have not been given the Word of God, people whose ears have not been opened to the promises of God.

In this land of the spiritually deaf, Jesus encounters a man who is literally hard of hearing and unable to speak. This man is not only a Gentile, he is physically unable to hear the Word of God. And since he can’t hear, he is bodily unable to confess the Word of God. This man is hopelessly lost in a world of silence, a world bereft not only of music and the voices of loved ones, but devoid of all hope.

As St. Paul asks rhetorically in our epistle: “How shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard?” Paul also proclaims: “Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” This deaf-mute Gentile can’t hear, he can’t invoke the Lord with his lips, and he certainly can’t hear without a preacher.

There is no-one who could have less hope in salvation than this man.

But notice that our Lord doesn’t leave him in his silence and despair. He is the Preacher who has been sent in order that “the deaf shall hear the words of the book.” The “words of the book” are “glad tidings of good things,” good news, the “Gospel of peace,” the very Word of God the hearing of which is the source of faith.

The preaching of Jesus is effective once the deaf-mute’s ears have been unstopped. For Satan is the cause of all infirmity, all illness, all things that lead to decay and death, all things that impede the free reign of God’s Word. The devil hurts the body, for through the body, the Word of God is heard. Through the body, the sacraments are received. Through the body, “confession is made unto salvation.”

The Lord Jesus takes the suffering body of the deaf-mute and retools him so he can hear the Word of God, “believe our report,” obtain faith, confess the good news, and have salvation. Salvation is not some spiritual pie in the sky, but bodily reparation, a restoration of the perfection in which we were created in the first place.

So our Lord, prompted by compassion for the lost, the suffering, the imperfect, does one thing before anything else: “He took him aside from the multitude.” Jesus removes this man from the crowd, sets him apart, which is to say, makes him holy. He doesn’t do this in some kind of new-age spiritual way with astral projection and positive thinking. Rather the Lord’s re-creation and healing of the deaf-mute is gritty and earthy, fleshly and visible. Jesus touches the man and moistens him with his own spit. Jesus commands with His word: “Ephphatha. Let his ears be opened.” And they were opened.

Not only was his deafness removed, but also his inability to speak. For hearing goes hand in hand with speaking. Hearing the Word of God is what connects faith with confessing. For as Paul tells us, “faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.” Having heard this Word, we can repeat the same words: “homologeo” in the Greek, “confessio” in the Latin. We speak, we confess, we repeat the very same Word of God that the Preacher brought to us, because our ears have been unstopped, our tongues have been loosed, and we have indeed believed His report.

The Lord Himself has taken us Gentiles, people outside of the promise, people who once lived in darkness and silence, people who never heard the “glad tidings of good things,” and he came to us in the form of a preacher, opening our ears and mouths through his touch and water. Our baptisms are our own “ephphatha” – which is why the confession of the Apostles Creed accompanies the application of water and the word.

Thus we see in Word and in deed the power of the Word of God. It heals, makes whole, removes impediments to the working of the Holy Spirit to create faith. It brings hope to the hopeless. It opens the ears of those unable to hear, and liberates the tongues of those unable to speak. The Word of God empowers confession and grants everlasting life.

This, dear brothers and sisters, is why Satan seeks to deafen us. For deafness takes many forms. For most of us, deafness isn’t dead silence, but just the opposite. Satan deafens us to the Word of God by bombarding us with noise. We are constantly thrust in the middle of a cacophony of voices and racket that is either contrary to God’s Word, or simply drowns it out. Like the thorn-bushes that choke out the seed in our Lord’s Parable of the Sower, the Word of God implanted in us is constantly under assault by weeds and thistles of the evil one.

Satan seeks to plug up that which has been miraculously opened. Our attention is constantly pulled this way and that by all sorts of sounds that demand our attention – some of which sound sweet and pious (but only serve to lead us astray), while other noise is obviously racket – and yet we enjoy it just the same.

The noise pollution that competes with God’s Word is not necessarily high voltage rock and roll or the pulsating din of “second hand rap” blasting from the speakers of a driver who is so courteous that he wants to share his tunes with anyone within half a mile. Noise pollution can take the form of addictive TV shows (even the History Channel or educational programming). The racket that competes with the Word of God may also manifest itself as too many hours spent on the ever-present Internet, on hypnotic video games, or even in the form of loud snoring from sleeping in on Sunday.

Deafness to the Word of God takes many forms: laziness, misplaced priorities, being deceived by the seductive song of the world and our sinful flesh, being fooled into thinking all words are God’s words, or even by buying into the opposite error that no words are God’s words.

All of these things serve to stop up our ears and block out the very Word that brings saving faith. In his explanation to the Third Commandment: “Remember the Sabbath Day by keeping it holy,” Luther gives us Christians the explanation that “we should fear and love God so that we do not despise preaching and His Word.”

For how deluded must we be to despise the Word of Him who healed us? How sad is it to take for granted the Word of God that imparts faith in us? How evil is it to seek to absent oneself from preaching? For what does our Lord’s Word say: “How shall they hear without a preacher?”

In our do-it-yourself age of cafeteria Christianity, as self-sufficient rugged individualist Americans, as people who like to take the bull by the horns – we miss out on the very thing that succeeds where our efforts inevitably fail.

Dear former deaf-mute Gentiles, those who once sat in darkness and in the shadow of death, tune your ears to the Word of God. Tune out the noise pollution that threatens to drown it out. With “one little word,” Jesus has felled the old evil foe and has given you eternal life. Let that “one little word” always remind you of your baptism, where your ears were unstopped to hear and your tongues loosened to confess. Let the Lord’s “one little word” ring in your ears daily and drown out all other racket with the mighty rush of baptismal grace. “Ephphatha. Be opened.” Amen.

In the name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.