Monday, October 06, 2008

Pierre Cardin Has Lost His Mind

Fashion is often a bellwether for the culture. As the stock market becomes bearish, we are seeing women's wear becoming more conservative and men's suits more classic.

But there are always exceptions, aren't there?

Other than seeing (and enjoying) The Devil Wears Prada, I don't know anything about fashion. I wear black cargo pants from WalMart and ill-fitting clerical shirts from Almy. I realize that I am in no professional position to critique the design of ladies' clothing (though I did a stint as a software consultant at Leslie Fay in Pennsylvania back in the nineties while Arthur Anderson Consulting was calling the shots - and my boss told many of us back then that Anderson was "cooking the books" - an expression I had never heard before - and that people from Arthur Anderson would eventually be in jail).

And I do have an old set of soft luggage with the Pierre Cardin label on it, so I guess that makes me "qualified" to critique the latest offerings (as if!).

But be all that as it may, based on Cardin's latest creations, I think it is safe to say that this is one Frenchman that needs help. He has lost his grip on reality.

I mean, look at this picture! Oh, the humanity!

I really feel bad for this model. Can't you just imagine, the agency tells her she's going to be going on a dramatic, exotic seaside shoot at Theoule-sur-Mer in the South of France for the famous Pierre Cardin? She was probably imagining beautiful gowns, or expensive dresses, or even some kind of flattering casual line or stylish swimware. And professionally, she would be able to include the pictures in her portfolio, show them off to mom and dad, put them on her MySpace, and use them as a jumping-off point to make a bigger splash in her profession.

But look at what actually happened! I think the look on her face says it all.

This is just one step removed from putting on a giant mouse costume at Chuck E. Cheese's. I'm sure the pay was good, and she probably had top-notch travel and accommodations, but let's face it, this outfit is more along the lines of a giant grape in a Fruit of the Loom ad, or Big Fig from the old Fig Newton commercials. As a modeling job, this just doesn't look much different than putting on a chicken suit in front of a Popeyes and handing out flyers for 30 cents off a side dish of your choice.

How can you not just feel terrible for this unfortunate lass?

And does Pierre Cardin actually think real people are going to be running out and buying this? Is he envisioning a futuristic world where we all have personal jet-packs and need to have nylon delta-plane airfoils to fly around? Did he think he was doing the costuming for a production of the Jetsons or a bad Star Trek parody? What is up with those low-slug armholes? Are the tights and boots sold separately? And what exactly is that fin on the top of the head part for? How did the photographer not laugh himself silly?

Goodness, is there any grace and glamor left in this man's head? Maybe it's time for Pierre Cardin to retire and let someone with some connection to reality run his company for him.

Oh la la la la la la la!

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