The Pastor's Ring: Common vs. Individual

A couple years ago, I heard about a New Orleans area Lutheran who had visited a church in another state, the pastor of which is a classmate and friend of mine. This fact was unbeknown to the New Orleans area Lutheran, who proceeded to explain some interesting things to my friend - both about me, and my parish.

For example, I learned that my congregation, Salem Lutheran, will not allow anyone to take communion unless they first receive private absolution. If that is indeed the policy at my congregation, I didn't get a copy of that memo (I hope my TPS reports have the proper cover sheet...). Let me see, we require visitors to: do the chicken dance, donate $1,000, and be able to "moonwalk" to the rail before we commune them. Nope, nothing in here about requiring private confession. Maybe that was slipped in under Murray's pastorate...

There were a few other silly things said by this person (who may well have mental issues).

Just yesterday, I learned that this same fellow explained to someone else about a very unusual communion policy at my congregation.

Very unusual, indeed!

Are you ready for this?

No, really. Are you ready?

You are not going to guess this one in a thousand years.

The claim is that when you receive communion at the rail at Salem Lutheran Church in Gretna, Louisiana, you must (hold on, I can't type while I'm laughing!), actually, literally, with your lips, kiss the pastor's ring before receiving the elements. Wait, I'm still laughing, and I'm fat-fingering all over the place. Sorry about that, I think I corrected all the typos. Oh, Lordy!

You know, when it comes to rumors and lies, I suppose bigger is better. But, of course, this is not to say that some people won't actually believe it.

Obviously, kissing the bishop's ring is a very old Christian custom. It is a sign of affection and respect for the holy office. I have never heard of this custom being done for lowly parish pastors, especially here in America - but it makes for a great story. As far as I can tell, it has never been the custom at Salem.

We may eat mudbugs and gators, wear plastic beads and masks, throw cabbages and carrots from parade floats, visit drive-thru daiquiri shops, bury our dead above ground, and "make groceries." But we don't kiss the ring of the parish pastor. Not even da Catlicks at St. Ant'neys do dat, dawlin'.

For one thing, it would violate the Scaer Rule of Rubrical Efficiency No. 12: "Any verdammtes act of personal piety that lengthens the duration of the Sacrifice of the Mass is verboten." Can you just imagine how long distribution would take if every parishioner is smooching the ring? We're already up to four distro hymns as it is - which, I suspect, according to Scaer, would nearly disqualify us from synodical membership.

But it has made me think a little as to how we could "Lutheranize" the ring-kissing practice. First of all, we'd have to offer a choice: the "common ring" or the "individual ring." The "common ring" would be the traditional practice of each parishioner kissing the gold ring on the pastor's finger. My ring happens to be a Concordia Theological Seminary class ring (gold, with a garnet gem with a "Chi-Rho" design etched on top).

Obviously, some would be squeamish about germs and such when it comes to the "common ring." We could create "individual rings" that each parishioner could take from a tray, kiss, and leave on the rail to be picked up after the service. CPH could produce some really cheap rings, making them out of inexpensive, disposable plastic - tastefully, of course (after all, these are sacred objects). Though some would advocate throwing the used individual rings directly into the garbage, the altar guild at Salem would have to find a way to thoroughly cleanse the rings (properly disposing of the water) before throwing them into the trash.

Secondly, some people would be, no doubt, uncomfortable with kissing, and would prefer a handshake instead of a smooch. Good pastoral practice indicates allowing communicants a lot of individual liberty in such matters, so as not to turn ring-kissing into a divisive or disruptive issue. Ceremonies have simply changed since Vatican II, and we need to be sensitive to these things.

I know plastic rings and replacing the kiss with a handshake aren't ideal, but as we all know, many a congregation has been destroyed by pig-headed Fort Wayne pastors who insist on communicants kissing the "common ring" only. The practice is, of course, an adiaphoron, and we need to keep in mind that the "individual ring," though not ideal, gives the very same benefit to the communicant as the "common ring." Ditto for allowing the ring to be greeted with a (laurel and?) hardy handshake instead of the biblical kiss. We need to bear with one another in Christian love.

Well, rumors to the contrary, we don't actually practice ring-kissing in any form at Salem. So much for our "high church" reputation.

But I have to admit, the Rumor Man has got me thinking...